OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Say something about gay babies.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
