Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
