Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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