yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
