sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have fence marks all over my body
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
as a side note pls kill me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
