people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
