I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
