the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
