imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
