Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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