If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
