Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
