Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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