So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
