Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize