At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
