I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
