Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
