I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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