His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
