i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize