I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize