Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
