If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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