p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
