im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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