At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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