Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
