I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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