my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The air was thick with penises
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
