On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
