And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
