please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize