i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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