I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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