Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
