We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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