Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
