hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
