he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
