I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I will pee on everything he values.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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