he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
