This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
