Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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