Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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