don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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