Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
