My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize