I can tuck mytits in my pants
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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