I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
