I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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