please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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