My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
