I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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