Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
