Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We got so high we made milksteak
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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