if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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