chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
