everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I am naked and annoyed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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