we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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