i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
