i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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