Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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