My first STD was from a foam party
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
