He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
