Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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